Those of you who I speak to on a regular basis know that I’ve been suffering with migraines a lot recently. I’m still not able to pin down the triggers and to be quite honest it’s proper getting me down.
I’ve spent months trying to work out the cause. I’ve gone weeks with nothing and thought that I’d magically cured myself. Then suddenly the flicker of the aura appears and then I know the period of silence is over.
It’s so hard to describe to those who don’t suffer from migraines, what they are really like. And mine are completely different to others I know.
I mainly suffer from “stroke-like” symptoms and auras. What is an aura? I hear your thinking. Imagine those kaleidoscopes you had as a child. In my vision i see what is no bigger that a 5p shape in a mutil-coloured changing pattern. This then grows within my vision. Sometimes it stays a solid circle. Sometimes it changes to just the outline of a circle. Both ways it grows and grows until it covers all of my vision. It then moves around the outside of my peripheral and I end up with tunnel vision. This never lasts more than half and hour but it’s a disturbing reminder that I’m more than likely in for some numbness and/or a serious headache.
Like other non-migraine suffers, I didn’t really understand what they were and to be brutally honest, I didn’t really believe they were that bad. How bad can headaches be? I would have never mocked anyone for having them or claiming to have them but I didn’t really believe that they could possibly be that bad.
Well I can honestly say to all of those migraine sufferers out there… I AM SORRY FOR DOUBTING YOU.
Now I am plagued with the constant fear of having a migraine.
The tiredness that follows a migraine is a pain. I feel knackered for around two days following on from a migraine.
I’v been to the doctors a couple of times now and all I get told is that I need to work out what my triggers are and that if I start needing more than six tablets a month, I need to go on full time medication to keep them at bay. I seem to be managing them with solpadeine and the sumatriptan that I’ve been prescribed but the uneasy feeling that I know I can only have six migraines a month where I can manage the pain effectively does scare me. I don’t know what kind of day I’m going to have to the next.
Now in no way am I trying to make out that my life is hell and that I have it worse than anyone else. Far from it. I’ve seen some of my friends not able to move. Throwing up. Loosing speech. The whole lot and I’m just sat here with my sparkly eyes!!! It just worries me where this has come from. It all started when I went away to Barcelona and came back to work sleep deprived and staring at a computer intently for too long. How is that a trigger? I feel that it should have been some life changing event that would start them. Apparently not. Apparently coming back to work after having a holiday is more stressful than staying at work. Might as well cancel all the future escape plans and just reside myself to plodding through life without a break. I know I sound like I’m being dramatic. I’m quite aware of this but it’s just frustrating.
There is a voice in the back of my mind saying “what if it’s something more sinister?”. What if it is? What if it’s a tumour? All three doctors did not seem overly concerned. I suppose that’s supposed to be reassuring. I’ll leave that for debate another day. I’m not particularly a hypochondriac but I can’t help feeling that there may be some other cause of this new ailment I’m not suffering from.
“You need to find your triggers.” The doctor said.
“You need to shut up!!” I felt like saying.
I’ve done the following:
- Stop caffeine = didn’t work
- Tried to increase my sleep intake = flipping impossible. When the hell am I supposed to live if I’ve got to sleep more. I don’t want to walk straight in from work at 6pm and go to bed. I actually want to be able to relax and wind down
- Have breaks from the computer at work = I can have a day full of meetings and not be at my computer once and I still get them
- Don’t get stressed = you what? Seriously? I get stressed picking what to wear for work. I’m a stressy person. I overthink everything. If stress was the cause, I would have them all the time
My next test is food. I’m going to start a food diary. Not only am I going to record what I eat, I’m going to record the times. I’ve had it said to me that not eating could be causing them. For a fat bird, I don’t eat a lot. It’s not like I sit at my desk nomming on jaffa cakes. Most mornings I forget to eat breakfast. If I can manage I’ll hammer a breakfast bar, but to be honest I’d rather not. On a weekend I’ll treat myself to something special like a McDonald’s breakfast or a bacon or sausage sarnie. It does seem that it could be a possible “trigger”.
The term “trigger” also annoys me. Not sure why. Maybe because you find a trigger on a gun and I have a sinister association with the word. Who knows? Maybe I’m just slightly weird, or a lot weird.
Anyway, rant over. I’m still here. All migrained up! Still wingeing.
Until next time guys.
xoxox