I was scrolling through photos from a recent trip I took with 3 of my friends to Berlin and I thought that if this photo wasn’t perfect for a post about friendship I didn’t know what was.
When you think about it, you make friends generally in certain situations; education (school/college/university), work, through hobbies, through friends, through family… and so on. At my age and in my current lifestyle I don’t get many opportunities to meet new people and the number of friends I have seems to be diminishing. I hope it’s not because I’m a horrible person but more that people change and their situations change and sometimes friends can’t go with you.
What is friendship?
I started by looking at what the definition of “Friendship” actually is.
No where on this does it say how long a friendship should last, who it should be between, how often you should communicate. There are no details. There is no written rule and all friendships are different.
Different Types of Friends
I’m sure everyone has different types of friends. I do. I have friends that I’ve met through work that I talk to on a daily basis. I have friends that I met at school and uni that I see very rarely. I have friends that I have met through other people or during other events in my life. None of them more important than the other. All are special to me.
I’m sure everyone has those friends who you don’t see for ages but when you do it feels like it was only the day before that you saw each other.
I also have friends who I’m no longer friends with. Some that at one point I would be texting them daily or maybe weekly. Things have happened and now we don’t talk and I don’t even know if we saw each other on the street whether we would even say hello. It’s not animosity between us (well I hope not) it’s just that we’ve “fallen out of friendship”. Is that a thing? Maybe it should be.
Is it wrong to let friends go?
I’m a big believer that friendships are just the same as any other relationship. They are a two way thing. If one person does not put the effort it, does this mean that they don’t care? Should you bother wanting to stay friends with them? Sometimes you just have to accept that these friendships aren’t the same anymore. Now I’m not saying that you should cut all ties or be that blunt with the other person and tell them that you are no longer friends but you should pull back. Stop trying. Accept that this person may have been your best friend once upon a time but their life/relationship situation may have changed and you may not fit in it the way you used to. It’s as blunt as that.
I’ve got friends that have moved away and had families and some that live pretty close that I may be lucky to see once a year. I don’t hold anything against them as their lives have changed a lot since we were young and free 16 year olds with the only responsibility we had was college work, working part-time jobs and getting enough money together to go out drinking. A huge part of friendship is acceptance. My friends have to accept that I’m a loud mouth with bright coloured hair, piercings and tattoos. I accept all of their qualities. That’s what makes us friends. I also accept that they don’t want to be with me 24/7 and can’t. They have other friends, may be in relationships and may have other commitments. I don’t hold any of this against them. I don’t get jealous when I see them out with their other friends. That’s their choice, that’s who they are. Their other friends help make them the people are. We shouldn’t be jealous that our friends have other friends unless they are completely neglecting your relationship. That’s not fair. If this is happening you are well within your rights to question your friend or communicate with them that you feel that your friendship isn’t what it is. If your friend is a true friend they will understand your concerns and if they want to be your friend they will work with you to get your friendship on track. I know friendship counselling isn’t a thing. Maybe it should be. Maybe sometimes we do need someone impartial to give us some advice and give us a kick up the arse.
What is the purpose of this post I bet you’re thinking? Well there really isn’t any. It was one of those passing thoughts that I had and I thought I’d share my thoughts. I’m not an expert.
XOXOXOXOX